Thursday, February 16, 2012


This is my cat Maggie. She has trust issues. Can you see it in her face as she hides in my pajama drawer?

I've had Maggie almost 8 years. It has taken nearly all of those 8 years to undo whatever trauma she experienced as a kitten. She's still not a lap cat by any means, but she finally enjoys being petted and is even willing to sit about 10 inches away from me on the couch.

I love this little one dearly because it took so long to help her understand that she could trust me. I worked hard for that trust. I was patient. I gave her space. I let her come to me on her own terms.

Do you think this resembles how we are with Jesus at times? He gives us every reason to trust him with wild abandon, but we still hide in the drawer all wide-eyed. We relive the rejection of others and convince ourselves that trust is not possible. We dare not stick one paw out from those comfy pjs for fear of being rejected again. But He does not reject or even disappoint in the slightest.

If you don't have those fears with trusting Jesus, do you have those fears trusting other humans again? Like my Maggie. I know I do. That's where I've been living lately - in the pajama drawer of safety from those who've wounded me deeply the past few years. I'm not really all wide-eyed though. I'm more angry-eyed with my claws ready to retaliate when provoked. We all have our defenses. Some are passive, I'm more aggressive.

Oh to embrace forgiveness and let Him heal all the wounds. To know that my trust is in Him, not them. To climb out of the drawer and begin to live in freedom again. This is my prayer. Well, no, that's a lie. I want that to be my prayer. At the moment I'm quite content in the drawer.

Can you relate?

Friday, February 10, 2012

Spring and Changes

I am a big fan of winter for many reasons. The cold air feels clean. Soups, chili, and oatmeal become meal time staples. Snow blankets everything with quietness. The shorter days make the evenings long and cozy. It is a much needed time of rest after a busy summer and fall. It's the time of year when it is ok to slow down and spend more time at home.

So this year has been a bit strange. I think I may have missed my wonderful winter. The dogwood and Bradford pear in my yard have buds - buds I tell you! In February! I have not worn my cozy sweaters. The frozen yogurt shop is packed with customers. I have to turn the air conditioning on in my car in the afternoon.

What is going on?

In the middle of this accelerated change in seasons, I have also sensed accelerated change in my life. I've been praying for nearly three years for something to change in my circumstances - often missing what I could have been learning about trust and waiting. It's been like staying in Winter.

But over the past few months the Winter of my heart has melted. I feel alive again and new life has been budding inside me. So perhaps the trees in my front yard are a reminder of the internal. As the season of my heart has changed, the circumstances of my life are also changing. Isn't that always the way? When we finally realize we should embrace whatever season we're in and trust the internal work that needs to happen - well then that's when the external seems to follow.

So instead of wondering about the weather I think I'll let it be a reminder of the hope and promise of Spring. Maybe it's not early, maybe it's right on time.