Day Seventeen: Found in Being Still (my version at least)

So there are no posts for Days 13, 14, 15, and 16.
Oh well.

Reasons:

• did not make the effort to go to a Wifi location
• day 13 felt ominous for writing, I know silly superstitious non-sense
• day 13:  went to a one-year-old's party that day actually, quite fun, full of happy young couples with cute babies though - yep, made me sad; drove home from the party crying on and off wondering when it would be "my turn" - yep, hate to admit it, but true
• day 14:  had to let my emotions surface that day; I've kept myself "together" quite well in recent weeks (months really), but the floodgates opened, not "ugly" tears though, just needed to feel and let God hold me; also watched The Sandlot that day - fun, fun
• day 15:  drove most of the day, lots of good time to think; yeah for day 14's events b/c this day was renewed energy and joy and sweet time in the car with my tunes
• day 16:  reacclimating to my guest room life with my 82 year old aunt - I say that will all the love and excitement in the world for this season, truly, very fun

Biggest reason:

• I didn't want to and it felt nice to "fail" at the 31 Days and not beat myself up about it. It is what it is.

What I've learned from this:

• Psalm 46:10 is an awesome verse. Love love love it. "Be still and know that I am God."
• My "being still" looks like no one else's. I'm uniquely designed in absolutely every facet of my being. He knows that. I need to know that. I'm rather outgoing and outspoken. I'm also filled to the brim:  full of emotion, full of energy, full of optimism, full of wonder, full of questions, full hope. So at times He wants me to dial it back a bit. Not because any of those things are bad, no no. I just need to "still" myself a bit. Dial back the outgoing and embrace a bit of introversion. Dial back the outspoken and speak a tad less. Dial back the emotion and simply live in the Truth, no matter how I "feel." Even in happiness - that emotion does not define me. Dial back the energy - hence me only leaving my house for about 30 minutes on Day 14. Dial back the optimism. I know that seems odd. But sometimes I just need to be sad and be ok with that. Dial back the wonder. I've stared in wonder at the Monarch's for ridiculous periods of time recently. Nothing wrong with that. But there are times when I also need to do the mundane like vacuuming up the cat hair. He's in that too. Dial back the questions - yes, that's a good one. Walk it out, that's what I said, right? Dial back the hope...hmm... seems like a strange thing to say. But I mean dial back the hope in my own flesh. Dial back the hope in circumstances and dial up the hope in Him. Be still and know.

What does your "being still" look like?

Day Twelve: Found in Family-Friends

It has been an odd week. I have literally and figuratively revisited places that have been the source of much hurt. However, the Lord has been faithful (as always) and has truly walked it out with me. He has been brave within me when I wanted to run and hide. He has shifted hearts and circumstances in ways only He can.

Yet at the end of this week I felt very tired and I allowed the weight of all that I have faced start to weigh me down. I forgot about his perfectly crafted yoke for a while. Instead I put on the cheaper one-size-fits-all kind that the world designed. It was not easy. It was not light. It hurt.

It weighed me down with regret and shame. Thank you Lord that I only did this for a few hours. While driving.

Then I finally arrived at my friend's house and her in-laws were also visiting. I had never met these lovely folks before. We spent the evening cooking out, playing with my friend's little girl, telling deep South stories full of color and humor. These people are real.

And they ask real questions.

Where are your people from?
Where are you living now?
What size town did you grow up in?
Now what does your husband do?
When are y'all planning on having some babies?

Thank you Jesus that you have brought me to a place where I can answer these questions honestly and without hesitation.

I may not have all the answers to those questions that I would like to have at the moment. But You've let me know that the current answers are just fine. Because you continue to work out the final answers.

Day 11: Found in the Bittersweet

Yesterday I talked about being found in a paradox.

Today I'm thinking about my best friend whose precious daughter is one year old - today.
And how this morning her husband rushed their dog to the vet to discover he had to be put to sleep.

Happy 1st Birthday! You lost your first family pet.

I cursed when she told me. Yes I did. It was the only thing I could think to say.

So of course I'm thinking about other bittersweet moments in life.
I'm also thinking about other paradoxes.

Death and life
First and last
Loss and gain
Forsaking and taking
Beauty from ashes
Strength from despair
Gladness from mourning
A way in the desert
Streams in the wasteland

I still trust that in Him all things hold together.

As my friend said, "it's still going to be a great day." So happy first birthday sweet girl. I pray your life is full of more sweet than bitter. But I know that difficulties will come, they will. So I pray too that you always find your way back to beauty.

Day Ten: Found in a Paradox

I had a meeting today that is going to change the course of some things.

As I continue to be found, sorting out the truth from the lie has become a pass time. Not exactly fun, but a necessary endeavor for sure. 

Much of what I accepted as truth has been flipped on its head in recent weeks. By extension, some individuals that I once trusted to speak truth have also done a sort of a flip (literally and figuratively).

There's truth and then there's the Truth. As I draw closer to Jesus I draw closer to Truth. Because He is Truth.

And Truth sheds light on everything. What was once falsely deemed "darkness" and a "lie" is actually the truth. In turn, much of what I thought was the "light" was a facade, a great masquerade.

My meeting lasted for nearly three and a half hours. Good stuff. Very productive.

Here's how we greeted one another:

me:  "Hey!!!"
person:  "Hi there!"
(me and person exchange a brief hug)
person:  "Welcome to the dark side (smiling)."
me:  "Sorry it took me so long to see the light."

Day Nine: Found in the Monarchs

This is a female Monarch butterfly. 

I had to park a long long way from my destination today. So very glad, because my long walk led me by a garden I usually ignore. Not today. Nope, I'm loving this "eyes wide open" state of being lately.

 I had the recent privilege of attending a seminar on the Monarch migration. Yesterday I talked about miracles. This yearly migration is most definitely a miracle.

She's feeding on a butterfly bush because she desperately needs nectar to give her energy for the rest of her trip to Mexico (the Sierra Madre to be exact).

When she arrives there she will "overwinter" until next Spring. 

She could have started her long journey from as far away as Canada. Seriously.

Instinct tells her to fly South. She has no clue if she will find enough nectar flowers along the way. 

She simply flies on faith. Ok, so it's instinct. But go with me here on the faith thing. 

She just goes. She trusts. She flies and finds what she needs along the way. Not what she wants, what she needs. It's her version of walking it out

Gazing at her brings to mind such courage. She will literally eat nothing once she gets to Mexico. It's ok because the temperature in the Sierra Madre is so cool that it will not use her energy stores much at all. She will rest when she gets there.

She's not the only one who made the journey of course. 

thank you Google images

thank you again Google images

At some point next Spring instinct (aka faith) will urge her again to take flight. She's ready for her next adventure. She will fly as far as she can go and lay her eggs. She will bring new life into the world. She will leave her own legacy.

And somehow, her great-great-grandchildren will find their way back to Mexico again. Seriously, it takes a generation. Scientists first discovered there migration pattern and destination in the 1970s. National Geographic first published the amazing discovery in 1976. Here's the greatest part....

They still have no idea how future generations continue to find their way!

"Another unsolved mystery is how Monarchs find the overwintering sites each year. Somehow they know their way, even though the butterflies returning to Mexico or California each fall are the great-great-grandchildren of the butterflies that left the previous spring. No one knows exactly how their homing system works; it is another of the many unanswered questions in the butterfly world."  

from www.monarchwatch.org

When I notice these Monarchs now I can't help but stare at their beauty. It's not just their amazing colors. It's their entire story. Every last detail is stunning.

She takes my breath away.

Our stories were meant to be this way too.

Full of faith, no room for fear.
Taking in exactly what we need along the way.
Resting at times, readying ourselves for the next adventure.
Bringing life (in all forms) into this world because of the journey.
Leaving a legacy that lasts for generations.

Day Eight: Found in a Miracle (and on a Monday no less)

A few weeks ago, well, Sept 15th to be exact, I had the privilege of attending Beth Moore's Living Proof Live Simulcast. The day's teaching was based on the account of the widow and the Shunammite woman in 2 Kings 4.

God spoke in a powerful way through His Word that day. I could likely write 31 days of posts on the notes I took from those 6 hours.

But on this Monday I want to talk about miracles.

Both the widow (poor, desperate, had nothing) and the Shunammite woman (rich, blessed, thought she needed nothing) experienced miracles. Like shock your socks off miracles. Even as I write that, I'm wondering why I feel the need to describe the magnitude of the miracles.

Isn't the very definition of a miracle just that?

• something extraordinary
• something that surpasses all known human or natural powers 
• something ascribed to a supernatural cause

Thank you dictionary.com

Maybe I feel the need to qualify it because miracle is one of those words we use too often for things that are not truly miraculous. I know I have used it flippantly and out of context.

Not today though...

Looking over my notes from Beth Moore's simulcast here are some thoughts on miracles (and I'm about 98.7% sure that I wrote her words down verbatim):

• regarding the widow:
• personal desperation can jar us out of secondhand stories
• our individual lives were meant to be absolute miracles...
• so get your own story on this page
• regarding the Shunammite woman:
• Fear is the crippler of a walking-talking miracle
• He wants to work the miracle of you...
• So tell your story

It's about time I started telling my story. 

I am a miracle 

because I AM lives and breathes in me

So I'll ask you the same question Beth Moore asked her audience across the world that day...

Are you ready for Him to do in and through you what cannot be humanly explained? 

I am

Day Seven: Found in Music

I've been riding around with my dear friends exploring the woods and waterfalls of northwest Georgia today. We've listened to some songs that I've been missing. God is everywhere we turn if we listen with His Spirit.

Little Wonders by Rob Thomas has always touched a deep part of me. I realize now it is because of the larger message of the movie... "Keep moving forward." At the end of the movie when Lewis has the opportunity to see his birth mother he decides not to. Instead he plays the hand he was already dealt. Or in the way I've been seeing things lately...

he continues to walk it out.

Recently someone gave me a verse to look up that seemed fitting for me now - oh my... was it ever fitting. Little Wonders seemed to fit with the message of the verse well. 

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:  18-19 (NIV)

One thing defines me. One Person rather. In Him I live and move and have my being. He is working all things for my good and there is not one bit of my life that has been wasted.

Let's keep moving forward shall we?

Happy Sunday. 

Then another person spoke about